This information is adapted from the Alzheimer’s Association: https://www.alz.org/alzheimers-dementia/10-steps
1. Identify the changes in memory or behavior that you are noticing.
What are the changes that are causing concern for you? Write them down and take note of when they started and how often you are noticing the symptoms.
2. Consider other possible contributing factors/explanations.
Many different conditions can cause changes in memory, cognition, and behavior. Have there been recent stressors, health issues (diabetes/depression), or the loss of a loved one?
3. Learn about the signs of Alzheimer’s and other dementias.
The Alzheimer’s Association provides a list of the 10 early signs of Alzheimers/dementia and how they are distinguish them from typical age-related changes: alz.org/10signs
4. Find out if other family members or friends have also noticed the changes.
It is often useful to gather insights from other family members or friends who interact with the person on a regular basis. This can help paint a fuller picture of the situation.
5. Decide who will have the conversation.
Choose someone that the person will be most comfortable having a vulnerable conversation with. It’s usually best to speak one-on-one, as being approached by a group of people could feel overwhelming or threatening. However, you know your loved one best, so use your best judgement on what would make them feel most supported.
6. Decide on the best place and time for the conversation.
While early diagnosis is very important and we don’t want to put off the conversation for too long, it’s also important to choose a time and place that will feel most comfortable for the person.
7. Be prepared to listen to the person and approach them with gentleness and respect.
These conversations are both necessary and delicate. This is a time to be humble, curious, and gentle. Be intentional about listening to the person and adjusting your approach as needed.
8. Plan ahead for what you want to say in the conversation.
Some ideas to start with:
“I’ve noticed [change] in you. Have you noticed it? Does it worry you?”
“How have you been feeling lately? You haven’t seemed like yourself.”
“ I noticed you [specific example] and it worried me. Has anything else like that happened?”
Try not to overwhelm the person with too many topics/details at once. You can have multiple, small conversations over time to cover all necessary topics.
9. Offer to go with the person to the doctor.
Some words of encouragement that may be useful:
“There are lots of things that could be causing this, and dementia may or may not be one of them. Let’s see if the doctor can help us figure out what’s going on.”
“The sooner we know what’s causing these problems, the sooner we can address it.”
“I think it would give us both peace of mind if we talked with a doctor.”
10. If needed, have multiple conversations.
If the person truly does not want to talk about this topic, don’t try to force it. The first conversation may not be successful. That’s okay. Take note of what worked and what didn’t. Make a plan for adjusting your approach in the next conversation.